babies are so innocent. when you are sitting there crying and crying more than them and they sit there laughing and smiling, that’s when you know it.
i feel so lost, small, and helpless. i feel like this baby is stronger and more capable of doing things than i am, basically. she is so perfect. labor wasn’t hard at all. she is such a good baby. sleeps perfect, never cries, and the cutest thing i’ve ever seen. her skin is perfect. the softest. she had no scratches. no bruises. no blemishes. nothing. i never knew that loving somebody so much was possible. And she loves me, too. You can tell when she looks at me with her pretty dark blue eyes. Babies are just so pure and i don’t know. It’s just hard to believe that i made THAT. Her. The feeling is so indescribable. I just don’t know. There’s no other way to put it. I really just never knew you could love another being so much. It’s true what they say. There is no other love like a mother’s to her baby.
Callie Danielle, born December 16th, 7 lbs 15 oz, absolutely perfect.
I can’t even imagine how you feel, I saw your blog on mtv under the 16 and pregnant message and have been reading it, I had my daughter when I was 15 and am now 18. I love her more than anything in the world and love spending time with her. I have my parents help alot, my mom owns a daycare so she can watch her while I work 9-5 on mwf and go to school on tuesday and thursday, and I know i’m really lucky for that. Her dad is kind of in the picture but kind of not, I moved from the town we both lived in right before I found I was pregnant and we’ve tried being together several times but its never ended up working, He came to dallas to go to college and be closer to us but that didn’t end up working out either, so he’s moved back to houston. My daughter usually says she misses me when she gets mad at me, but he sees her at least once a month and always has. At times I’ve thought about adoption and if it would have been better for Ava, but it never really came up as an option. It used to bother me that her dad wasn’t really in the picture but now I’ve realized that I can love her just as much and give her everything she needs. I graduated early, and suprisingly got straight A’s my last three years of high school when I had Ava and my only B’s and C’s my freshman year. I’m going to school to be a nurse which I probably wouldn’t be doing if I didn’t have my daughter but doesn’t bother me at all. As long as I have her and a stable life I know we’ll both be happy. Sometimes I get upset when I know my friends have all the freedom they want and get to go out and do whatever they want, but only when I let it get to me, otherwise i’m more than happy to spend my weekends with my daughter taking her to dance class and going shopping. Usually on the weekends her dad takes her I go out of town and visit my friends and am able to act like a teenager again but usually just end up missing Ava. It’s been hard, but all completely worth it and when I graduate college I’ll know what I’ve accomplished means so much more. I know what you mean about the indescribable feelings. When I first saw Ava I couldn’t even cry I was filled with so many emotions. All through out your blog I’ve agreed with your adoption decsion. You want your baby to have a better life, for her to be ever be upset or sad, for nothing to ever hurt her and it makes perfect sense. But after I read this entry and saw your beautiful daughter I almost started to cry, I know you know what is best for you and your daugther but I just hope you know there are other options out there. CCS can help you with childcare. So many colleges offer tons of financial aide for students with children, and its suprisingly easy to get. Also, Family housing is very easy to get financial aide for as well. It won’t be easy, but when is raising a child easy? I know you said that your aunt and uncle are planning to adopt your baby, and I think that’s awesome. You can still be close to her and see her, have a relationship with her. My aunt loves Ava almost as much I do, she comes to see her every other weekend. I know you’ve probably have a great family with tons of support. I know you’ve already made a decision but I just had to share my story so you can see that there are other options. I wish the best of luck to you and whatever ends happening, you can do it.
SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!!! You did well Momma! Congrats – she’s just precious!
The emotions are difficult right now! You’r overjoyed to be holding such a beautiful creation. As you stated, you never knew you could love something so much.
Yet, with your decision of the adoption you have such saddness and pain.
These all mixed together are so overwelming. I know! I wish there was something I could do or say to help you. My heart hurts for you right now. Truly it does!
Take your time with your feelings, listen to your heart. If… and I’m not saying you are or trying to convience you of anything! If you have a tiny thought of parenting just don’t sign papers. Wait, take more time. I’ve known mother’s to sign and then wish they didn’t. I’ve known mothers that thought they would parent and tried, but turned around and did the adoption. This helped them know adoption was right. Just don’t rush! It is a life changing decision for you and your daughter.
My thoughts are with you and your daughter. ((HUGS))
Hey sweety. Oh god she is beautiful. I believe in you mama. I believe you can do it.
I you need any support at all, please call. You have demonstrated the kind of love that I only see in people who are amazing mothers. You may already know in your heart what you and your daughter need. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, including just listening.
512-689-1969
She is beautiful, Ashley. Congratulations! How are you feeling?
Hey girl! I know things must be hard right now. Just hang in there! And don’t rush it. Your daughter is so beautiful. I told you that you never knew you could love someone so much. It’s amazing huh. A baby changes everything! It makes you grow up. But i love being a mom and wouldn’t change it for the world. Your a really strong person. Just hang in there momma!
@ tracie: thanks girl. it doesn’t feel that way soemtimes
Hi Ashley –
I’m here via Roni. I am a mom who relinquished my daughter in what became an open adoption 17 years ago. I also have a (soon to be) 4-year-old son that I am parenting with my husband.
First, please let me say congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter. She is just precious.
I know your emotions are probably all over the place right now. I don’t want to place any undue pressure on you, but I do want to gently tell you that, as the first poster said above, there are programs and people who can help you if you choose to parent your baby. I can help you get in touch with some of them if you would like to talk more about your options.
I am always available if you would like to contact me via my blog or e-mail to talk about adoption in general, parenting, or anything else.
Please remember to be kind to yourself at this time. I wish you the very best.
-Coco