clearing things up

First of all, i just wanted to say my main conflict was not feeling at peace with my decision which was my fault.  i didnt speak up with what i wanted.  my aunt and uncle came to me with everything, the papers, to visit, to be there for the birth, all that because i ASKED them to.  I had NO clue how I was going to feel after Callie was born.  I really had NO clue.  I didn’t know how to react after she was born.  On top of all that, i was having family pressure from outside family members interfering in everything.  It caused conflict for everybody and nobody knew what to do.

I just want to clear things up because it PISSES ME OFF when you try to judge my family or make ignorant comments that come from either a lack of reading the previous posts or just have a sorry attitude about your life.

1) My aunt and uncle are adopting for those that didn’t know.  They can love my daughter just as much as I can. I can have a relationship with her, and no “scheduled visitation.”  If I wanted to see her tomorrow, I could.  When i flew back up the next week, and I felt sad and wanted to see her again soon, I could.  There is no, every 6 months, or twice a year, type deal.  She’s family.  They are family.

2) They are not going to get a divorce.  Many couples do these days.  Who knows I might get one in the future, HA!! Just kidding.  But, I know they aren’t.  AND like I said, they can love Callie as much as I love her.  Or my mom.  Or my sister.  or ANYBODY.  She is loved by everyone.  Truly a blessing from God.  There are mothers out there that abuse their kids and hurt them and cause them so much pain.  How is that love?  Some people say no one can love their child as much as their mother.  Is that love?  No.  It isn’t.  The child may love the parent unconditionally, yes.  But I bet there are other people that can love that poor abused child more than that mother.  And this isn’t the situation at all.  This baby will be loved so much by everyone just the same.  Maybe I will have a stronger bond, but that doesn’t mean they can’t love them as their own.  Especially since she came from me, their own blood.

I chose adoption because i felt it was the right thing at the time.  Who knows.  It still may be.  It was just such an overwhelming time that I was flustered and I didn’t know what to do.  They were just doing what they thought I wanted.

And another thing I was thinking I wanted to share really fast was, having this baby opened my eyes up to so much, to two things especially:  One, being around the hospital and the baby and that environment made me realize something that I really wanted to do.  That was nursing.  I think nursing would be awesome.  And maybe after i finish my 4 year degree, I can go on to further education and maybe be a pediatrician or something.  That would be awesome.  You can get a job anywhere anytime and also help people as well.  Second, also, having a baby and thinking about the future made me realize how hard my mom has really had it and all that she has done for us kids.  It made me want to stop giving her “grief” about whatever she does and realize that she DOES deserve every amount of anything extra she can get.  She really really does.  That’s not all, but those were the two main things on my mind.  She made me want to better myself.  I didn’t really have any desire or dreams ahead or want to go to college.  I didn’t care, that much.  Now its become crucial, if I keep her, for obvious reasons.  And also, if I don’t, or else the whole adoption would have been in vain.  She also surprised me in the hospital.  She made me take initiative.  There was a point in time i was alone with her for a while in the hospital.  I had no choice but to do everything myself because I couldn’t call the nurse.  I didn’t want to.  I would get mad when everyone else would do something for me, for her.  This surprised my mom, too.  We thought I was going to sit around, and just let everyone else do the work, but I was so proud of myself for stepping up and WANTING to do things.  I think I just have a different outlook on everything, and all the little things that seemed important, i guess, just, don’t for now.  I don’t know.  Maybe she was put here as a blessing.  Well, she IS a blessing.  She was put here for a reason.  I only hope I can put my feelings aside and make the right decision for HER.

Anyway, Overall, There is still time.  I feel better after talking to them. So so much better.  I wish i would have called them a long time ago.  I am so fortunate to have been given this opportunity to have this baby in a family and know where she is.  If it was strangers I would not have done it.  Honestly.  This is the best thing.  If you still have objections, get off my page and stop reading.  Feel free to leave your comments, but they aren’t going to matter.  Really.  Everyone is going to have their own opinion.

Thanks.