My days have been pretty lame. I have spent about 200 dollars in clothes, and i stay out until I’m exhausted so I can keep my mind off of things, then just fall asleep. I really haven’t cried much and i feel really bad about that. But it’s like hurting inside. I just think I’ve been so distracted that I don’t. I go back to work tomorrow. Sucks
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Day 423 comments to Day 4 |
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Copyright © 2010 the life of ashley salazar - All Rights Reserved |
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Well at least now you can say “I gave my baby away and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” and mean it.
Keep those blogads rolling people. Ashley needs to shop!
I do work, you know? I honestly don’t make any money from this site.
You remember that you did the right thing. It is going to hurt for a while. Its all because you love her. Just think when she grows up she will look at you and thank you for doing what was best for her. So dry your eyes and focus on the future and not the past. You both will make it, I know it!
Thank you Lindsay. I liked that
Just feel what naturally comes. There is nothing you “should be”. Sometimes pain is an internal thing you don’t always need to cry. Like sometimes I cry over problems with family and living situations, etc. Or sometimes I cry over something really stupid like dropping my peanut butter toast face down on the floor! The tears don’t always mean much.
That made me laugh a little. Thank you =]
A little shopping never hurt anyone! Maybe work will be a good distraction for you. Don’t try to control your feelings – allow yourself to feel them and work through them. I hope you have someone close by that you can talk to – and I hope that people aren’t telling you what you SHOULD feel. No two people are the same, and even if they were, their situations wouldn’t be the same. You’re going to be okay!
I feel rather sorry for you and everything you are going through. I believe children are an extension and/or reflection of their parents. Being selfish and inconsiderate of others is what you have been taught. At this point, you probably do not even realize the consequences of your actions or even realize what you are doing.
You cannot even understand how privileged you are. You should reach out to your brother to understand what real hardship is. Brother? Yes, I said brother. Have you ever been told about him? Technically, he is not your brother because your biological dad is not who you consider your dad. He is your stepfather’s son. The son of the man that chose to raise You. Your mother convinced your stepdad to walk away from him telling him that he was probably not his anyway. None of which was true. The boy’s mother has been sick for a long time and has recently passed away. He now has no mother or father nor any siblings to turn to. Imagine being alone in this world. Now that sucks.
Who first mentioned you putting your child up for adoption? Was it your mother? Did she sway you towards that decision because it will make her life easier as she did with your stepdad?
I am only telling you this because I want you to understand that family secrets do not go with you to the grave. They all come out sooner or later. The adoption is not a quick fix. You will be faced with the reality of your decisions every Christmas, every family gathering…forever. You will have to be prepared for 5~10 years down the road when you meet the man you want to marry and decide to have his baby and are faced with all your old emotions. When your then child turns 10 and overhears “adults” talking about why her and her cousin look so much alike, you will have to be prepared to look her in the eye and lie or have a heart felt talk with her. It will always affect you and your children whether you want it to or not. With that being said, I want to offer you some advice, adult to adult (you are no longer a child even though that may be your defense). You should seriously consider taking down your blog, blocking your facebook, and getting away from reality tv. You are opening the door for everyone to see you family’s business. You are opening yourself to all sorts pain and heartache. You are ALLOWING everyone to contribute to your self destruction. You can try and act hard like you don’t care but I know that every negative comment takes a little bit from you. Why even deal with this? I am not saying to stop blogging if that is what you love but blog about something other than all your life’s intricate details. Stop putting everything out there. Use discretion. You don’t want your daughter to find this 15 years from now and tell you “you did not try…all you did was play ping pong”. Once the show starts airing you will have even more negativity.
I believe you are a smart girl and will get through this but…will it be a journey you are proud of? You call the shots little one….put in the work to change or just go shopping?
I just lost EVERYTHING I typed up.
First of all, who the hell are you to talk about my family like that. Especially my mother. This boy, Shelton’s mom died of Lupus. He told me. I don’t know who you are talking about either. My biological father has a kid, too. Do I care? No. I don’t give a shit. That child is no sibling to me. When I told him how it hurt, did he care? No, he blew it off and stopped talking to me. The past doesn’t matter. It only matters what happens in present day.
My mother did NOT MENTION adoption. Guess who’s idea it was. It was mine. Guess who’s idea for ABORTION WAS? It was me and the baby’s father. Did I choose that route? NO. I chose to carry her to term and place her for adoption. Maybe you should get your facts straight before trying to insult my mother, you bitter woman. You’re probably jealous of her, because she is better and will have a better life than you will ever have and has made it much further.
I am sorry if you are family, and I am talking to you this way. You are no family of mine if you talk to me that way. Or about my mother, or the rest of my family. Do you think she swayed him? Woman, shut the fuck up. HAHA. This child was always over with us. 24/7. Guess who was the one that took him away. HIS MOTHER. He told me. He told me that his mother was not allowing him to come over. I used to yell at him from across the street. To him, by his mother, he said he was NOT ours. He has no father? He says his “father” is not his. And probably it’s not. His mother slept around, with a man that shared his name. Funny, huh? Learn your facts. Learn what has been told to me from him.
Your statement “Technically, he is not your brother because your biological dad is not who you consider your dad.” doesn’t make any sense, because what does this have to do with my biological dad? That is why I was confused in my previous statements and talked about him.
You are right, i WILL recieve tons of negativity. So what? Everything in this world recieves some sort of negativity. There will always be somebody who does not agree. That is just the way the world works. I have tons of support.
Who are you to tell me what to do? I’ll keep my blog. All the people whose lives it is affecting. Did I ask them to read it and get so involved? Hell, no, I didn’t. That is their own issue.
And yes, I do plan on going shopping. Hmm. Maybe this weekend? Have a nice day, Lady.
OH, and children being a reflection of their parents, saying my mom is “Being selfish and inconsiderate of others is what you have been taught…” Think twice before you talk about her again you nasty ass bitch. Thanks
Maybe work will help keep your mind busy so you have time to heal/adjust. I came across your blog and felt a need to respond, I understand how hard this is.
thank you. i hope so
pretty sure that bitch Beckylove put more info about your life then you ever have. how rude can a person get.
Oh, the irony.
You’ve distracted yourself from the reality of what you’ve done by shopping with the money you exploited your daughter to earn.
Good luck at work tomorrow, Ashley – I hope it goes well for you. And by the way to your other readers, or reader, why should we kick someone when they’re down? I think Ashley is a brave girl who is doing her best to make the best decision – She obviously hasn’t come by that decision lightly.
Ashley,
I am so sorry that you are encountering so much negativity regarding your very personal decision. I wish that there were more positive supportive people on this blog, because it makes me so sad for you. I really hope that there are people in your life who are supportive and can be there for you during this rough time. I too am 18 and can not imagine what you are going through, but I support your choice 100%! I think it is an incredible gift you have given Callie by allowing her to have a better life, even though it means some pain for you. I really hope that you get to pursue your dreams and go to college, maybe in new york, if that is what you want to do. Please try to ignore all of these nasty negative people! You can do this! You can get through this! I am confident that you will be able to come out of this strong. I wish I could give you a big hug. I hope you are doing okay.
Meg
Beckylove, get your facts straight. There’s lots of facts that you know nothing about, absolutely nothing. SHE deprived him of whomever his father was. This so called stepdad that you say, showed up to court many a time to prove paternity and she decided to not show up, three times! The Judge was disgusted by her and her fathers actions. If paternity was proven, then full custody was going to be sought by him and that was suggested by Ashley so-called inconsiderate hatefull mother. And to top it off Beckylove, there is a tape of his mother telling Ashley’s so called stepdad that it was purposely done out of spite from her end. If more official documentation is needed it is sitting in a safety deposit box in Harlingen tx that has all info. And Ashley did love this person, talked to him regularly and he shared much with her. So before you judge anyone, be sure you know the whole truth.
People are bitches and need to just shut up. It’s your life and you can choose to do whatever you want with it. You already did the best thing ever for Callie and gave her a life. And no matter what you will always be a part of it. Fuck all these evil people they don’t know you and your situation and they don’t matter.
Thanks, Nikkole. I love you! I can’t wait to meet you in march<3
Ashley don’t listen to all the shit people give u about your decision. They don’t know what they are talking about. You did what you thought was right and you did it to make sure that Callie will have a better life. I completely support your decision.
Thank you, Dillon. Unexpected and super sweet/awesome of you.
your welcome. i kno that was out of the blue, but it made me mad when i saw the rude comments. Just remember that there will be people, including me, who will not think less of you, if not more. You are really strong for doing this.
Thanks again. See you soon (:
I feel awful that people post such nasty comments on YOUR site. Ashley, I think your story is amazing and you shouldn’t feel guilty for telling it. I don’t see how anyone could think you were exploiting your daughter, when clearly this entire blog is meant to help people; I want you to know that it has most definitely helped me.