From my mother…to everybody:
This is the first time I comment and wasn’t planning to but I see what pain my daughter is in. She is trying to cope with the hardest decision ever. All of these horrible comments from people like you don’t help either. Mothers want what is best for their children. That’s all I have ever wanted for my daughter and I know that I know that is all my daughter wanted for hers. You don’t know anything about Ashley or her family. So I feel like it is my responsibility to tell you (even if it is none of your business.)
Ok, so Ashley got pregnant April 1st 2009. We sat down and discussed her options. I want you to know that she immediately took abortion off her list. We discussed adoption vs. parenting. We had many discussions. We made lists of pros and cons. I am a single mom. There is only so much that I could provide financially and with a 12 year old and a very demanding full time job I could not commit to babysitting. Ashley wasn’t thinking about herself at all. She was thinking about Callie 1st and foremost and then about everyone else she was affecting.
You do not know the 1st thing about Ashley’s upbringing. I have always worked demanding jobs that have kept me away from home a lot. Ashley’s father has never consistently been a part of her life. This has affected her tremendously. Callie was going to have an absent father as well. This was a very big concern for Ashley. She cries at every Fathers Day. She cries when she sees daddies and daughters spending time together. She desperately wanted Callie to have the stability she felt she lacked growing up. I did remarry when Ashley was 4 and my ex husband raised her from 4 years till we divorced when she was 16. He promised that he would always be her father but then he moved 550 miles away. He only took responsibility for our 12 yr old (his bio daughter). Once again she felt abandoned. Because I knew my daughter carried around this pain growing up, when I was around, I did everything for her and I guess you could say I spoiled her. Now my daughter is 18 and can’t do anything for herself (cook, clean, etc…) She has not been driving for 1 year yet. She got her 1st job when she was pregnant. She just learned how to wash her own clothes. I know as harsh as you are you are probably thinking how pathetic this sounds. What I am telling you is that I am responsible for the person Ashley is today. She is desperately trying to grow up now.
Along with the resentment she carries around for her absent father, she also resents me for never being there. She saw a pattern that she was going to repeat. She loves Callie so much that she did not want her to experience that either. I know it means nothing to you but it does to Ashley. She is young. She needs to go to college and she will also have to work leaving very little time for Callie. There is also a very negative energy in our home. Ashley and I have a very troubled relationship that we are trying to repair. We have a lot of blow ups. Again this is none of your business but I feel like I must defend Ashley’s decision. Ashley did not want Callie to be around the arguing. Again we are working on repairing it but you can’t fix years of anger and resentment over night.
Other reasons: My 12 yr old, financial, no child support, college education, insurance…
Yell at me if you like. I’m over extended and Ashley knows it. Maybe I have failed her once again but she was just trying to make the best decision for Callie.
She desperately loves her. She is not exploiting her. I take full responsibility for the blog. When Ashley got pregnant I encouraged her to blog about her feelings so she wouldn’t keep them bottled up. The blog came way before MTV. Ashley really wanted to reach out to teens after becoming pregnant. She was feeling the pain of kids at school ridiculing her and snickering. Hell her best friend ended up dating the biological father shortly after Ashley got pregnant and flaunted it in her face! She realized that pregnancy is not glamorous and shows like Juno and The Secret Life of An American Teenager were not portraying an accurate picture of teen pregnancy. She just wanted to get the word out there. She wanted to send out a warning to teen girls. Then another teen girl came to her and told her about 16 and Pregnant. After researching what the show was about I gave Ashley my consent to apply. This show is a documentary. They too are trying to paint a real picture of teen pregnancy. They have not influenced Ashley in anyway with her decision. They have never given us a script or told us what to say. It is true life. Ashley’s struggles are real.
Let’s change gears now. Let’s talk about the birth and adoption. I will tell you that the 3 days we spent in the hospital and the week after were the most heart wrenching days that I have EVER experienced in my life. Ashley was confident with her adoption plan prior to the birth. My brother and sister-in-law were a god sent. When they stepped in we decided to go with a private attorney vs. the agency that was giving Ashley incredible support and counseling. When we left the agency the counseling stopped. Ashley was unprepared for the birth and how that whole experience was going to affect her. She had decided that since she would always be in Callie’s life that it would be ok to spend the 48 hours in the hospital prior to signing. I was so worried because I know what is like to see your baby for the first time and how amazing birth is. I knew that it would make going through with her adoption plan very difficult. Well I was right. We checked in to the hospital on a Tuesday night and did not get good sleep again till we were discharged on Friday. Ashley was had some complications during delivery which wore her out even more. From the moment Ashley laid eyes on Callie her confidence and decision went out the window. She cried for the next few days. She loved on Callie as much as she could. She prolonged discharged. Because the agency was out of the picture I became the middle man. When you have a close family like we do, you were worry about everyone’s feelings. My brother and his wife came up and were staying with my sister. My parents were there as well. Everyone was calling me to see how Ashley was and wanted to know if she was sticking to her decision. I will tell you the best people were my Brother and his wife. They did not push; they just wanted what was best for Ashley. They did not even come to the hospital for the birth. They wanted to give Ashley and Callie their privacy. I was the one that pressed. I lost sight of Ashley’s feelings. I was concerned with the 48 hrs and that it would be time to sign away her rights. I was thinking about my brother. I told Ashley that her time was up and she needed to make a decision. I told her that my brother needed to know if they were going home with Callie or not. I forgot to listen. She was desperate and delirious. Her eyes were so swollen from all the crying she couldn’t even see straight. She kept saying “Mom I don’t know, I need more time with Callie.” I didn’t hear her. Well she felt pressured so she gave Callie to them. But what came next was the most devastating thing that I have ever had to experience. To see my daughter lying there in pain and agony not wanting to live anymore just killed me. I did not know what to do. I reached out to the social worker from the original adoption agency. She said that the agency would have never allowed her to sign if they would have been there. All of the things Ashley was saying were red flags. They would have had an attorney present at signing as well along with other things that did not happen as they should have.
After calling the social worker, I called my brother. I do have to tell you that he and his wife are the most incredible people I know. They truly wanted the best for Ashley and Callie. They encouraged her to come get her. They built up her confidence and told her they knew she could raise her. They prayed with her. They wanted to give Ashley more time to make a decision that she felt confident about.
So Ashley brought Callie home. She did her best to make it work. She found a job and struggled with childcare. She was angry with me once again for not being able to care for Callie in her absence. Her job does not pay enough to justify daycare. I cannot afford daycare. My insurance would not cover Callie so we were private pay patients, meaning we were responsible for the entire bill. Ashley’s college deadlines were piling up. The stress grew and we were arguing more. Ashley did not want this for Callie. She desperately wanted to be there for her. She wanted peace, stability and happiness for Callie. To KimKim you are correct Ashley is VERY immature and has a whole lot of growing up to do. Why would anyone want Callie to suffer through that? So with some counseling and therapy Ashley once again decided that her adoption plan was the right thing for Callie. Ashley decided that she would rather take all the pain for Callie than have the same experience she did growing up. She is having a very hard time with this decision but she has peace knowing that Callie is happy where she is. She has so much love. My parents are 5 minutes away. All of my Aunts, Uncles and cousins are where she is. We will all play our same roles. My 12 yr is still Auntie, I am still grandma and Callie will know that Ashley is her mama. Callie will be blessed because she will also have my brother and his wife to call mom and most importantly Daddy!
I am very proud of Ashley! She has made a very selfless and mature decision. Yes I know that she has shared something very private with the world but we hope that it will bring some awareness to young teens out there that are considering pregnancy! There is NOTHING glamorous about teen pregnancy!
Your mother sounds so wonderful! You are blessed to have her love and understanding in this situation. And she is blessed to have such a selfless, caring daughter
I give you so much praise for making such a hard decision. I am 19 and have a two month old daughter my situation is a little different my daughter has her father we are actually married. Ashley you are so strong I know once I saw my daughter I didn’t want anyone else to have her. Don’t let people get to you they don’t know what you went through (i really don’t either but of course the feeling you have after you give birth for your child) You are always going to have people say you are wrong for what you did but you are truly thinking of your daughter and what is best for her. College and taking care of a baby is beyond hard. Thank god I have a very good family who wants to take turns watching my daughter so I don’t have the expense of daycare. No I did not try to get pregnant either my husband and I wanted to wait a few years. I took precautions (birth control pill) but it failed me.
i very much wish my mother would have been so patient and loving with me through my adoption.
Good for you for speakin up!!! The world will judge, but for Ashley to know that those of us who matter, stand by her! I will miss being a part of my grandaughters life, but I know Ashley is doing what her heart knows is best for yours and my sweet grandaughter, Callie!
To Marie: My heart goes out to you. I feel that you seem to think my brother and his wife do not want you to be a part of Callie’s life. Marie its quite the opposite. I had to take Callie to them on Sunday (next to seeing Ashleys pain it is was the most hardest thing i have ever done). I got to spend the next couple of days with her saying my “see you laters”. We had many conversations about how we felt things should go moving forward. We even discussed you. They want Callie to know her family because some day she will have questions. They plan to raise knowing her story. You are part of that story. You are her grandma. She is not in Dallas but she is a plane ride away. It kills me to not be able to see her little face every morning but i am already planning my next trip down south. Consider it. Thank you for supporting Ashley.
I was Ashley’s Labor nurse. I’ve been a Labor & Delivery nurse for 15 yrs and taken care of many teenage moms and adoption situations. I am so shocked by the hatefulness of the postings I have seen.
Most of the teen deliveries I have been involved in are a circus. They usually have a parade of their teen friends coming and going all day like this is all fun and games. I often wonder how many of those so called friends are around a few months later when it doesn’t seem so glamorous. I wonder how these incredibly immature kids handle the demands of parenthood.
I’ve also seen many adoptions, anything ranging from women in their 30’s coming from another state to deliver and go back so no one finds out, to some of the most amazing open adoptions. From what I’ve witnessed, it’s never easy. These moms are hurting, but in their heart of hearts feel they are doing what’s best for the child.
Ashley’s delivery wasn’t like the usual teen delivery. It wasn’t a circus. I actually wondered if any of her friends were going to visit at all. Her family was there and was extremely supportive. Ashley was very sure that adoption was the best thing for Callie and was able to articulate it well, as far as the pros and cons. She was blindsided by the wave of emotions that hit her when Callie was born.
When I knew she was going to be on MTV’s 16 & Pregnant, I didn’t know what to expect. Not being familiar with the show, I assumed it would be a joke, trying to glamorize teen pregnancy and just trying to provoke things for some good TV scenes. I was mistaken. They were trying to show the reality of the situation and that it isn’t fun and games. There were not intrusive, nor did they try to provoke anything. I honestly believe the message is trying to show teens how incredibly difficult this is and MTV is a venue teens see.
I know all adoptions don’t turn out well, nor does all the biological parenting. We are all fallible human beings trying to do the best we know how. I was so surprised at the venomous postings on Ashley’s blog. As far as I’m concerned, there is only one real judge and he doesn’t live on this earth.
Hi, I have been reading your Daughters blog for a bit now and Honestly your Daughter is Amazing and truly a Gift for God. I wrote ashley on facebook, becasue I shared a story with her privately. Ashley did the most Amazing thing that anyone could ever do, she gave Callie Life and then gave Her the best life she could give her. Ashley is an amazing young woman!! There are only a few young teens who actually see what is best for their child, and those young teens are Angles. I Wish you and Ashley the Best of Luck and Much Happieness
Ashley, you are a great person! You have to be very brave to do what you’ve done , and very strong to go through every moment you’ve been through. I seriously admire you. I’m not a teen mom, and I don’t know anyone who has been though a similar situation. I was very impressed the first time I saw 16 and pregnant, that’s where I discovered your blog. I’ve been following since the beginning. I’m 22 years old , and I now that I wouldn’t be able to take even half of the decisions that you’ve taken. I think it’s great that you share your story , so you can help other teens in your situation. You’re lucky to have the support of your mom. So just keep on being as you are , strong and mature and I think that Callie will be(and I’m sure already is) very proud of you.Because she will know that you’ve done everything to make her life the best you can !
this was nice to read from your mothers perspective! very well written out and it was just nice.
This reminds me of my mother after I relinquished my daughter.
I am really in two minds about Ashley now. She does not come across as a likeable person.
Now I read this from you, her mother it makes me see why I was so triggered by this blog.
I don’t wish to have any contact with my mother anymore. She took over too much with my decision to relinquish as you have with Ashely.
I think you are making a huge mistake.
You need to get your granddaughter home where she belongs with her family.
I understand you have problems but sending Callie away is not the answer. Callie will grow up having to deal with the fact that you and Ashley didn’t fight to keep her.
If your brother is truly a wonderful person as you say he is then let him sponsor Callie, let him pay for child care, let him help out with school shoes. Let them set up a bank account for Callie and put money in every year.
It’s too late for me to bring my baby home and raise her. I make the best of what I have with her and I have a good life, I focus on the positive.
That said, it has been the most devastating thing I ever went through and continues to be something that I have to work hard at to survive and stay on top.
As a mother, speaking you to, Ashley’s mother, I implore you to step up to the plate and be there for your daughter. As a mother, speaking to Callie’s mother, I implore you to step up to the plate and be there for your daughter.
What Callie needs is to be with her mother.
There is nothing glamorous about adoption.
Reading this blog has been very distressing. It’s like watching a car crashing into the wall. You try to warn the driver but she doesn’t listen.
Reading this post from you makes me very sad.
I have to warn you, your part in losing your grandchild may well lose you your daughter one day. It lost my mother her daughter, she is no longer welcome in my life.
KimKim, you give way too much of a shit about something that has little to do with your life.
I’ve lived this Andrea. This was my life once. I had a mother like this and I was a pregnant teenager. So yes I do care.
I take it that’s what you meant? I’m used to people who are slightly more floral with their language. Articulate and educated, please excuse me if I misunderstood your question.
LOL @ someone insulting me and my level of education based on one sentence. THAT is the kind of entertainment I need more often in my life!
You know Andrea, that wasn’t actually meant as an insult. It was merely an observation. I’m sorry you were offended.
If Ashley feels and knows she can’t give Callie the life she wants her to have then this is the best thing for her. Ashley’s mother is trying to say that she doesnt’t want Callie to have the life she did when she was growing up. I look up to Ashley, she is strong, she is a hero, and she will make it in life and get the things she needs in life. Some of you may call her selfish, but no. that isn’t it at all. She is looking out for Callie’s best interest. Not her own.
Ashley, you are so lucky to have such a caring mother. Now I see where you get it from. I can tell you are hurting, but I can see your doing it for your your baby girl you love so very much. I am here if you ever need to talk you have on my myspace as Harley Stockton.
Okay, I what I am seeing here is that Ashley is being financially coerced to surrender her baby for adoption.
My guess is that, you Americans being in a mother-hating culture, that you are not familiar with the idea of government’s supporting mothers by providing them with ALL the financial assistance they need for their children so they do NOT have to work during the first few precious years, so that all medical expenses are covered, so that there are daycare centres on college campuses, parent resource centres, babysitting co-ops, government-subsidized daycare, and EVERYTHING a mother of any age requires in order to keep her baby. What your Human Rights are.
This is what I mean by a mother-hating culture — your governments violate your human rights (Check out Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights) and this financial coercion forces mothers to surrender their babies for adoption.
Not only that, but there is emotional coercion happening here as well. The relationship with her aunt and uncles, knowing them, affected her decision to surrender. This is illegal in many other nations, where such “matching” is seen as coercive and unethical, affecting the mother’s decision.
I’m sorry, Ashley, but i don’t see you has
“choosing” to surrender your baby. You are being forced to surrender due to financial and emotional coercion. This is very sad — one more unnecessary adoption that is happening because of a mother’s human rights being violated.
No, it definitely WAS my choice. I was aware
@ cedar
You are right there are many programs to help ashley out so she can keep callie which in some cases are amazing..but for moms not having to work?…etc. there lies the BIG problem! our government is supporting women who accidentally had babies…because they can’t pay for it. I know that many people don’t plan pregnancies but for the government to pay for everything….or anything they can’t afford? because they have a child? with money that comes out of my check??? that I work for! I’m paying for the mistakes of others???! I want kids in my life but I will never get pregnent until I am financially secure! now…if you lose your job etc…temporary financial aid is appropriate but not to support you and/or your child because of bad decisions you made. thats b.s.
ps. ashley you are certainly not one of the girls im talking about.
So Lauren, do you believe Ashley deserves this pain because of her actions? If there had been a way to save her from this pain and make it possible for Callie to have a beautiful life with Ashley, would you disagree with her receiving that help? Do you think women who get pregnant when they aren’t ready deserve to lose their children? If so, how can you say that you truly support Ashley? You don’t REALLY care. You think she deserves all of this anyway.
The same people who praise women for adoption are basically proving how much they hate women who get pregnant unprepared. They are saying, “You deserve hell. You don’t deserve your child, and you deserve the worst pain on the face of the planet. And I’m proud of you for realizing that you deserve to suffer a pain that you will never recover from.”
Anyone who cared about Ashley wouldn’t have wanted her to be spared this pain. No amount of pride in her for choosing hell, is the same as telling her, “Ashley, you deserve your daughter, you don’t deserve this pain. I wish it had been possible for your daughter to stay with you.”
There really are many countries that offer a year maternity leave. They treat all of their mothers better than this. Yes I know there are jerks that abuse genuine help. Having worked in social services I’ve seen it up close and personal. I’ve also seen human beings with genuine problems get help that they would not have gotten any other way. I don’t think we should pull all socialistic programs just because there are people who abuse them. I think we SHOULD take initiative to create measures that ensure the most genuine people with the most genuine needs are receiving the most support (which is not how it happens in this culture.)
It would certainly serve both conservatives and democrats to put greater effort into the area of preventing abuse and allocating MORE resources to those who are using them appropriately. It could even SAVE money. (I have seen some successful programs that do this.)
An interesting twist, the people who adopted my daughter were using foodstamps and WIC (still do). So much for choosing adoption to avoid using government programs right? IT’s not about the money. It’s about punishing women for having unprotected sex. Sadly often sex they had because they were pressured by a guy. (What woman really wants to ahve unprotected sex? It feels no different for a woman, it’s the man who benefits from the pleasure of no condoms, and it’s also the man who can much more easily walk away from a pregnancy, at worst with an extra bill he hast to pay every month.)
But because of that society wants to make sure she SUFFERS. Are you aware of the adoption tax credit? Are you aware that the government subsidizes adoptions? Are you aware that your pay check will still be spent whether it goes straight to helping women keep their children in a healthy environment, or goes to breaking them apart?
If the money is going to be gone anyway, would you vote that the money be spent on paying for 10,000 dollar adoptions, or divided up over 5 years and given directly to the mother at 4000 a year in the form of counseling, foodstamps, employment initiative programs, parenting programs, and day care assistance so that women CAN afford to work and not rely entirely on government programs ?
Answer you would rather the child removed. Because adoption is about punishment, for falling in love and trusting someone your with, who very often pushed you into something with very serious consequences.
I don’t think it is about the money for ashley or her mother. I think they gave Callie to a better home because they believe Callie needed a Dad and Mom. Although since the 80′s single moms have been raising well rounded children on their own quite well. It is more common to have a single mom than two full time parents these days.
just.. wow…
Lauren D., why should any child be considered a “mistake”? Shouldn’t every child be considered a gift from God? And motherhood be held sacred and celebrated? Why is it that we ONLY consider children to be valuable if they are born within marriage or to rich people? That is classism.
The thing about cherishing and honouring children is NOT considering them to be luxury possessions like cars, that only the rich should be able to afford. It is about every CHILD having the right to financial support that enables them to stay with their natural family, without poverty or financial stress ripping them apart. Children are human beings, not possessions or luxury chattel.
Lauren, i would ask you: if you are content to wait until you are “financially-secure,” then how late will this be? What if financial security never comes, or only comes when you are in your 30s? Age related infertility begins at age 27. If you lost a child to adoption, there is a 30% – 50% chance you will never have another child, the body is so traumatized.
Why don’t we support mothers and their children, keep them together, and give them valuable financial assistance no matter what the circumstances of birth? Shouldn’t we be valuing families?
I don’t believe that any child is a “mistake.” They should all be cherished and support provided.
Also, did you know that mothers who have children while young achieve more in life, get ahead further, than if they had postponed childbirth? They need less welfare in the long term, are more financially and educationally successful, and are generally happier than if they had postponed childbearing. A large and very valid recent study shows it. If Ashley kept her baby, chances are she’ll be more successful by age 30 than if she surrenders.
I don’t understand why anyone would criticize you for the decision you made. You did what was best for your daughter even though it was heart wrenching for you. Thats true love and the best thing you could have done for her. I think you are extremely courageous and respect your decision a lot!
@Lauren – As part of the professional working class, I pay my fair share of taxes. I’ll HAPPILY have them take my portion and give it to a mother so that she has the resources available to keep and raise her child.
As far as your little PS to Ashley, it’s ridiculous. It *is*, tacitly, about her. If she had been willing to accept welfare and other financial assistance, she would have been able to keep her daughter from a financial perspective. There is additional financial aid available for mothers to attend college; including daycare grants. She had an unplanned pregnancy and financial concerns were a factor for her.
It’s people like YOU – the ones that shame women for accepting financial help that play the biggest role in the coercion that results in adoptions like these.
Deb,
I love you girl You have more strength than most people I know. YOu are an amazing mom, I am proud to be your long lost friend.
Tina
The reason that Ashely felt she needed to place was that she did not have the support in place, emotionally, financially, psychologically. Look at Australia’s system. 21 million people: 59 relinquished children in Australia.
FIFTY NINE in 2007. You know why? Because when a woman goes for “crisis pregnancy counseling” they give her the resources, emotional support, parenting techniques, and self esteem to parent.
And SURPRISE most women don’t WANT to live a life without their precious children. Most women would LOVE to believe they are worthy of their children. Telling someone “you did great for placing” is also saying, “Thank god you’re not parenting, you aren’t worthy, and you aren’t worthy of the resources to help you parent either.”
It’s no such a “nice” thing to tell someone when you realize your rubbing salt in a wound. Don’t get me wrong, intentions count. But really if a bunch of good intention lead to Ashley never getting to parent her daughter again, who was REALLY caring about the outcome of this situation?
Who hears someone say, “I feel like someone died” and then says, “Well GREAT I’m so glad you’re going through this, because you don’t deserve your daughter no matter how destroyed you are to lose her.”
I am really upset that this story is being presented to media to persuade MORE women to go through this hell. Perpetuating this trauma on other people is abuse. No one deserves this unless they are UNSAFE to parent their child.
Adoption=failed social experiment.
Ashley if you had placed in a bubble I would spare you the discussion of ethics in adoption, but since you are sharing your story on national television in hopes to inspire more girls to look up to you and do the same thing, I have so bring the ethics considerations to the table.
Please don’t become a perpetrator of this hell of other women Ashley. Please don’t. I’m an adoptee. I am the one who supposedly “benefited” from the adoption. It is NOT OK WITH ME that my mother was destroyed to put me in a slightly higher income bracket.
She is too important to me for how she was treated. And it was Gladney that counselled her as well. Did they tell you about the “moment of truth”? Slogans, rhetoric, the lie that they are non-biased and that you can “do whatever is right for you” combined with “Adoption is the most loving and self sacrificing decision you can make” “so just make your own decision.”
That is anything but nonbiased. Gladney payed to research on moms what to say to make them feel that
A. They feel like they “made their own decision without coercion”
and
B. They follow through with the surrender
Their counselor are SATURATED with the results of those studies. They get THOUSAND AND THOUSANDS of dollars for babies. Could that much money have gone to helping women parent? 40,000?
Yeah but instead the money all disappears into the pay checks of employees who have qoutas to increase adoptions. They hire people specifically to advertise and increase adoption numbers. It’s a business.
And who gets destroyed in the end. They really could care less. Yeah I went to the Gladney picnics while I was growing up. I saw Joe McDermit there.
And then I found out that when my mother gave birth, they told her if she wanted to keep me she needed to pay the hospital bill, the bill for living with them for 6 months. Thousands of dollars. And she needed a car seat. And she needed a car. And a house.
But since she had stayed with them, they had SPECIFICALLY ENCOURAGED HER TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING IN PLACE TO PARENT. They still use techniques like this today, as a friend of mine stayed there a few years ago.
There is no such thing as “non-biased” counseling from an agency. They choose only studies that vilify the results of single parenting when THOSE AREN’T THE ONLY STUDIES OUT THERE. Presenting only studies that prove what you want people to believe is not ethical.
Telling someone their options are
1. PArenting: Many women choose to parent and you can choose this too. It’s very hard and many women struggle to give their children all they need. Parenting is really difficult but if you get some support you may be able to do it. You might not realize how much money you need to raise a baby.
2. Adoption: YOU make the choices! Adoption is a loving decision that will give your child a beautiful life. Your baby can have a two parent home, and a stable loving family that YOU pick out! Adoption is a loving compassionate decision that gives gives your child all they need to grow up loved and strong.
Go and read any adoption agency website. It’s called propaganda. Marketing. Advertising.
They choose their words CAREFULLY RESEARCHED to increase the likelihood they will make women feel that adoption is the RIGHT choice and overcome objection to placing and submit to the adoption.
These people don’t care that the women wind up with lifelong PTSD. They don’t care HOW bad the outcomes for women who lose their children are. They don’t even care that studies are proving that if they helped single parents maintain consistent, loving, enriching environments, sINGLE PARENTING IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT A RISK FACTOR.
They watch woman after woman destroyed by adoption , they do research and find out that adoptees are TWICE as likely to have mental health problems, and they ignore the data because one: They look down on single parents. They believe adoptive parents deserve the children more NO MATTER WHERE THE CHILD WOULD ACTUALLY DO BETTER.
Two: They get MONEY. Thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars. People would lose jobs if they stopped selling children! Coudn’t have that could we. Like the whole agency could be put out of business. So they pump up adoption numbers however possible and completely disregard how much pain they are leaving women and children in.
Don’t be their poster child Ashely. You’re just just giving free advertising to abillion dollar industry. Andleading women to their unnecessary destruction.
IDK I KINDA HAVE MIXED FEELING ABOUT IT, I MEAN IM NO ONE TO JUDGE OR POINT FINGERS AT YOU BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN USING SOME KIND OF BIRTHCONTROL ITS FREE AT ANY CLINIC OR SCHOOL NURSE IF YOU WERE GROWN UP ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX YOU SHOULD BE GROWN ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF THE OUT COME!!
BUT THEN AGAIN YOUR BABY IS WITH YOUR FAMILY SO ITS NOT LIKE IT’S WITH A STRANGER YOU CAN SEE HER ANYTIME AND I THINK ITS GOOD THAT YOU DON’T WANT HER TO GO THRU WHAT YOU HAD TO GO THRU AND YOU ARE GOING TO CONTINUE TO FUTHER YOUR EDUCATION WHICH IS AWESOME! HONESTLY I DO THINK GROWIN UP WITH A SINGLE PARENT IS KINDA HARD SO I THINK HER HAVING A FATHER FIGURE IS GREAT AND ASHLEY IT WAS GREAT CAUSE THEY’LL GIVE HER WHAT YOU COULDN’T!
To Debbie: So blown away by your story. Seems like not to long ago, we met when I worked for your dad (and pretty much in the same situation). I applaud your support of Ashley! It’s raw, but real! It’s what really happens. Your daughter is blessed to have you as her mother! And for those of you who don’t know her family—don’t judge! They are truly an amazing family who come from a Christian background. These people are NOT coerced by money or anything other than LOVE! YOU DON’T KNOW THEM! You’re making assumptions.
To Ashley: As a teenage mom myself, I have felt your pain. Don’t think I was ever as courageous as you are now. And I know your decision wasn’t based on finances or stardom or the need to lead what people think is a “normal teenage life”. I remember you as Debbie’s cute little girl only, not as this intelligent, teenage mom w/more insight than a lot of adults. But I can tell, even if other people can’t, that your decision was out of love for Callie. That’s what unconditional is. It’s doing what’s best for your child, no matter what the cost is to you. It takes a really BRAVE and COURAGEOUS person to do that. People are on here talking about money, free daycare, free food,etc… but every child deserves a good home. Not necessarily a “higher income bracket”, but a mom and dad who can be there and offer love, stability and support. You are no one’s “POSTER CHILD”. I think you just did what you thought was right for Callie without consequence to your own feelings and pain. That, people, is unconditional love. It’s not selfish. I’m very proud of you and hopefully will get to meet you someday when you come down south to visit.
I found your blog from another web forum and whenI read this from you mother I cried so hard.
I am someone who is currently on the other side of the adoption.
The only thing that I have that is even close to how you feel is that my husband and I have had 7 miscarriages now.
Please know that there are lot of people who dont even know you that support you.
Keep your head up hun…
Hey Ashley, I haven’t seen your epi yet and I haven’t read much of your blog, but what your mom wrote about you is very touching. Keep your head up and just know that you can still be a part of your baby’s life in a way. You might try doing something like a retreat like Catlynn did in Teen Mom, maybe even see if MTV can get you in contact with her to use her as a support.
That being said, I think some of the comments people are saying, specifically just of what I’ve read of KimKim or off base. My sister was put up for adoption by my mom, she is a year younger than me and has always known she was adopted. She just got into contact with me ironically the day I turned 21! She wanted to get to know me and my mom, and even came out to visit for Thanksgiving, her parents were so happy and thankful that my mom gave her up for adoption they feel eternally indebted to her because of it. You are doing the right thing for your daughter ignore the haters. People will have opinions but the key is to have a strong support.
A question (again I haven’t read your full blog yet) but do you know if you have PDD? I can tell by some of your posts you are depressed and that the situation doesn’t help it but I encourage you if you haven’t already to see if you can’t get on some type of antidepressant. It’ll help trust me I know first hand about depression, but the medications usually take about a month to kick in. I hope you feel better soon but keep your head up!
*PPD
Why does everyone feel the need to criticize the choices Ashley has made? It’s not like the choices you’ve made yourself are “perfect” either. Ashley’s decision was extremely selfless and an extremely hard one to make for someone so young. Callie is a blessed child who will love her mother for this, instead of resenting her for putting her through unnecessary hardships. Stop concerning yourself with this girls life and take a step back and evaluate your own, I’m sure not everyone will stand by the choices you’ve made…
current research on meds is concerning:
http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/latest/6818922/study-questions-widely-used-adhd-drugs/
http://www.newsweek.com/id/232781/page/1
Ashley, do not let people get you down. Why is adoption ok for some, but not others? Why is there judgment? Honestly, I have never met someone who regrets their birth mother’s decision to place them up for adoption. My great grandparents were dirt poor when they first came here, and they had 3 kids. They were barely making it by when they found out there was another on the way. They placed her up for adoption. A few years ago my grandmother found her, and all four siblings met up. There were no hard feelings, and in fact my great aunt even added me on facebook. I truly believe you are doing what is best for you in your situation. Do not worry about the negative things people say, because there are always critics about everything. Just stay true to yourself, and Callie will be proud to know you did what you could do. At least you know where she is, and she is not with some wierdo people that abuse kids, or in the foster system. :]
Ashley, I just want you to know that no matter how many “haters” you have out there, there are so many people who support you. You know you did the right thing, and that’s all that matters in the end. Callie will grow up knowing how much you care about her and how much you love her.
Do not let others bring you down becuase you are amazing.
Ashleys Mom:: You really truley are an amazing mom. =] Reading this actually made me want to cry because I honestly wish that my mom was as supportive as you. I know that my mom loves me but I don’t think that I’ve ever actually had anyone stick up//support me like your supporting your daughter and thats great.
Ashley:: You really are a strong person. <3 I know that if I wouldn't have been able to give my daughter the life I wanted to give her I would have given her up for adoption too. I love her more than anything and the mother daughter bond is something that NO ONE can take away from you. When it get tough just remember that you can still see her grow up. I know that right now you might not want to but they really honestly grow up so fast. Emilee is 5 months old today and it feel just like yesterday I saw her on her first ultrasound. Cheerish your baby girl because your her momma. And someday she will thank-you for giving her a father to look up to. =]
You made the best decision for you even though this is not the best decision for everyone. I know for me the decision to keep my son was one of the best decisions I had ever made and to see him grow up and be able to give him the love that I didn’t get from my mother but I got it from my Godmother the love she gave me showed me how to love my own children. Being twenty-one with three kids and being 16 weeks pregnant with my fourth I love all my kids the same and I have chosen to raise them all together. I’m proud of the decision you chose to make because you put your child’s future before your feelings and thats the best thing you could have ever done for your daughter. By making that decision she will always know how much you truly love and care about her I know Callie is always on your mind but she will appreciate this when shes older.
i just finished reading everything on this blog and wow your story has truly both touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes…i can relate to you on alot of this..except i was not a teenager when i had my baby i was 23 going on 24 but i had alot of the same fears as you, my daughters name is kaylee im not sure if urs is the same just spelt different or maybe pronounced a bit different…anyway…kaylee too had an absent father. i am originally from new york but i moved to florida when i was 19. but then when i was 23 i moved back to new york for what would be a short few months, met a guy, fell in love, got pregnant and boom!! he had already had 3 kids which he was not supporting (was not aware of any of this at the time) so i told him i was pregnant and he denied her..so i came back to florida..i would be lying if i said those 9 months were the best months of my life because truly they were not, i was sad alot, embarassed that i was alone and very hurt inside…but eventually i wound up back with my parents and they really made me feel so much better about everything, even though i was 23 and not 16 i was still very much immature and wasnt sure if i could sacrifice my life for another person, but that all changed the day she was born…ashley i know your hurting right now and ur heart is breaking but you are so much stronger than u know, and much more mature than u think, u put ur child first and u were not selfish in any way, anyone that makes accusations at you or tries to bring u down has obviously never been in your shoes, but i have and i will sit here and tell you this, although at this moment i am no longer a single mom i will tell u that for the 6 months i was it was very much overwhelming, the reason why it takes two people to make a baby is because in all reality you need 2 people to raise that baby…and your very lucky that someone close to you has choosen to take care of and love your daughter, some people never get to see their child again once giving them up, when that little girl is old enough to understand she will love u soo much ashley, because u did it for HER!! i was very fortunate to find a man who was willing to take on my daughter as his own but most are not so lucky…the moment ur daughter was born and the 9 months u carried her around in your belly you created a bond that is unbreakable, you will always be her mother and she will always be your daughter. i cant wait to see your documentary on mtv, you stay strong girl!!! and to ashleys mother: you are a very brave woman, most parents are in denial about alot of things, but you, your not, you came on here and just told it like it is, ashley is very lucky to have someone like you….well ladies i just had to write u guys a little something because like i said above u have truly touched my heart and i will keep both of you and ur daughter/grand daughter in my prayers…god bless!!!
I applaud your whole family for standing behind you during your pregnancy and adoption decision. We live in a mean world, why in the world would people attack you? We are just struggling to live the best life we can and be the best person we can be. Despite your moms tough times, and your absent father, you have an incrediable support system. You go through so many emotions when your pregnant and that is part of why your all over the map. I promise you it will even out.
I think you have made the absolute best choice you could have made. You are too young to be totally resposible for a baby. The family adoption makes you a permanent part of your daughters life forever. You could NOT have made a better choice! You go to college and get an eductaion. Your daughter will understand your descion and someday she will thank you for giving her a stable home, and yet still remaining a part of her life. You mom wrote that you had a lot of growing up to do, but I think you have obviously grown enormously in the last year. It takes a lot of maturity to do what is right. And you did the best thing for your daughter. Be so proud of yourself!
You’re mother is amazing for writing this, and so are you for everything you have been through and continue to go through I know that this is a constant struggle for you but you will only come out stronger and wiser from this experience.