What the heck do I do? I can’t live like this, sometimes. Breakdowns, and everything. Maybe I have PPD. Maybe I should put everything aside and get on government assistance temporarily. Food stamps, WIC, Medicaid, because I couldn’t do it alone.
Why am I even planning this or realizing this NOW? It’s way much too late.
you’re sure you can’t go live with your aunt and uncle ? Do they have a college near where they live ? (I don’t know about the tuition I am not from the States). I am in PhD now, and I think that college is not the most important thing. Maybe you could go to NYC after that for the rest of your education ? (I am pretty sure you could, your daughter would be like 4-5 years old). She would be going to school, leaving you some time to study
Think about YOU, as I said.
xoxo
you’re sure you can’t go live with your aunt and uncle ? Do they have a college near where they live ? (I don’t know about the tuition I am not from the States). I am in PhD now, and I think that college is not the most important thing. Maybe you could go to NYC after that for the rest of your education ? (I am pretty sure you could, your daughter would be like 4-5 years old). She would be going to school, leaving you some time to study
I think you’d have much more fun then 
Think about YOU, as I said.
xoxo
You COULD do it. So many people do and they live through it! Have the best of both worlds! You should never have to give up your daughter. She wants to be with you! Get her back before it is too late. Ask your mom to help you, I am sure she would, doesnt she miss Callie? You both could do it with a little help I am sure.
of course you can use those things to help, using them doesnt make you a different person it just acknowledging that you need help. its not easy but you can do it
Feeling psychotic is the worst, I know. It puts you in a lonely place and the best thing I ever did was reach out for professional help, it saved my life. Perhaps putting everything aside for now is a good idea, but only so you can focus on yourself and getting mentally healthy again.
You DID do the right thing. Flip-flopping between your decision is only going to make it harder for yourself and your child in the end. You’ve spared her going through these struggles with you and you should applaud yourself for that and stop beating yourself up. Inside you know that putting life on hold and taking government assistance wouldn’t fix your problems. Personally, it would make me feel guilty that I took my daughter out of the good situation I was smart enough to put her in in the first place. You made the right choice for her, now it is time to focus on yourself.
Ashley,
I’m going to be completely different probably then a lot of people on here and say that in my opinion I think you made such a brave and wonderful decision for Callie. Its true you could have done all of those things and maybe then it would have all worked out but unlike most girls you were blessed(seriously BLESSED) with family that would take her in. They didn’t have to do that and I’m sure they realized how hard it would be emotionally on them as well as you, but God allowed that to happen. He allowed them to consider raising your little girl as not only theres, but YOURS as well. How many people are provided that opportunity to be able to still be considered their child’s parent, watch their child grow up, and see her or he at the drop of a hat when their adopted. You are so fortunate for all of those things. I know though how hard it would be. I know how you probably feel like a quitter, but how many other teen moms think of the life of their child and the happinesses of their child over their own, I mean how many really? But you were able to do that, you were able to think of Callie’s future over yours. You made such a selfless choice and I seriously think you have to be an EXSTREMELY strong woman for doing that. So instead of thinking how much you miss her, however consuming it might be, try to think of what an amazing, possibly life changing choice you made for Callie and try to smile over that. You get to watch and see your baby girl grow up, thats another reason to smile! We know you could have done it, but you wanted more for your daughter then yourself.You are one beautiful and brave woman and YOU deserve to be praised for your actions so far. Takes a stronger girl to do that, which there are few of. And guess what. . . . YOU did it. Be proud of yourself
Who says it’s too late? I’m not one who is going to preach on one choice or anything but I support whatever way you’re leaning towards. But if you’re leaning towards trying again.. i say go for it. you never know until you try. i bet something could be worked out.
Just take a deep breath……… and do it.
I have read your entire blog, and I cried. You are such a strong person whether you believe it or not. If you are still feeling this way now about whether to have your baby or not, it may just get worse in the end. If you deeply believe in your heart that you want her, than you shall listen to your heart and GET HER BACK. As a mother you can succeed in ANYTHING. Being a parent is hard but motherhood is the greatest accomplishment of all!! You have said it yourself, there is sooooo many options out there to help you get started, no one said you have to live off of government assistance for the rest of your life, but as a single mother you have to do what is important.
Remember, Follow your heart and not your mind.
To the post above me, “Follow your heart and not your mind”?! That’s how I, and many girls I’m sure, got pregnant in the first place =/
Maybe you do have postpartum depression. I’m sure Callie’s absence isn’t helping things. I know you feel like counseling can’t help you, but I think you should try it just to make sure. I want you to be happy!
listen ashley.. im sure you can do it! Not only do you have your mother and the rest of your families support but you have God there to help you out cuz there aint no one better for a babies life than the reall birth mother! i think YOU SHOULD GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER and be happy. My mother is a single other and has my and my 2 younger siblings and she has government help..and they can even help out with childcare like they did for her… so YOU GO GIRL AND GET YOUR BABY! im sure in a few years you’ll relize it was all worth it!!!!