Anonymous?

I have a new page: start looking for your answers here: www.formspring.me/ashleydsalazar

all the unanswered questions you have submitted, i’ll paste in there

You can leave any comments/questions here. Leave anything. It can be directed towards me, the site, or anything else. It can be random or relevant to the subject. Your name won’t be displayed to the public, unless you let me know that you want it to be. I will respond to everything STRICTLY on this page. Thank you! (:

<a href=”http://www.formspring.me/ashleydsalazar” mce_href=”http://www.formspring.me/ashleydsalazar”>http://www.formspring.me/ashleydsalazar</a>
hey what happened with you and your hospital visit? hope you and your little one are doing fine! =]

They basically had to stop labor. It really sucked, to be honest. Check my latest post, before the replies to everybody’s comments. Thank you! She’s good and healthy! I’m suffering from this medicine!

Heyy i’ve been seeing your myspace status’ and stuff, have you had your baby yet?

No, I have not!

Hi Ashley!
I’m not writing to tell you what to do, or change your mind. Just a few things I hope you have thought about.
I am a birthmother, I was 15 when I had my son, who is now 30. (I am SO lucky to be reunited with him for 10 months now!!) I was like you, making the choice for adoption because I believed that it was the best choice for HIM, knowing that it was not the best choice for me.
Things I wish I had known then:
The pain of losing your child NEVER goes away, never gets “easier”. It actually gets harder with time.
Babies are not “blank slates”. They DO know their mothers, are already bonded to them before birth. They experience trauma from losing that bond. Some babies never bond with their adoptive parents. Some babies do, but will always feel the pain of losing their first moms, will always long for them.
I did not know what life as a birthmother would be like. Nobody told me. There was no internet, nobody writing books about the subject.
I did not know that it was ok to change my mind after my son was born and I wanted to keep him so badly. Changing my mind would not have made me a bad birthmom ~ it would have made me a great mom.
You are NOT a birthmom right now. You are your child’s only mother right now. You are not a birthmom until the day comes that you have signed away your rights.
These are just a few points I hope you have carefully considered in making your choice. One excellent source of information, that I hope you will check out, is CafeMom.com ~ there are a few birthmom groups with some great posts that you should read.
I really don’t mean this email in a mean way ~ it just breaks my heart to know that there may soon be another young birthmom out there somewhere, that is going to live my life of loss & pain. I wish you and your baby the best.

Thank you for your honesty and thoughts. I just feel like this is really the best decision for me and the baby. I have definitely considered every single aspect. As I tell everyone, everybody handles the whole thing differently and takes it a different way. I am not those people that can’t “handle” it. I know that I am making the best decision. Thank you for the website! I will check that out!

Hi Ashley!
Was just reading some of the comments that had been left to you and i totally 100% agree with all of them, i dont think you should give your little girl up! i havent been adopted or anything, but i gave birth to my little girl 7 months ago! was scared out of my mind but i cant imagine my life without her, i cant comprehend having her not in my life. I know that your Aunt and Uncle are going to “take and look after her” but what and how would you feel like when you see your daughter hug, kiss, laugh, play with them and she not know who you are? i would die!! i know that their your family but your your baby’s mother, she know’s who you are, alot of young mother’s get through all the hard times! think twice and take your time, she needs you, no one else

It will be hard at first, I’m sure, but I know what I’m doing. All will be fine, thanks. She will know who I am. I’ve thought twice, three, four, a million times over and over.

Hey Ash, Okay so I just got done reading your response to comments blogs and wow that’s a lot to think about and many people who are just bashing and putting down your decision with like zero support… and I believe you made an excellent decision so heres my story for you and I hope it makes you feel a little better. My mom had me at 15 and when I was 9 she gave me up to my dad she had drug problems and money problems, when I was 10 she had my little brother when I was 11 she had my little sister and at 12 she had my youngest sister who she gave up for adoption her name is Rebekah we have an open adoption with her we get cards letters and get to see her twice a year i’m guessing that’s a lot like what you and your child will have Rebekah is now 6 and her adoptive parents are amazing instead of being adopted is something that happen to her they have instilled in her that it is a part of what makes her Rebekah this is how it was meant to be and every time I hear from them and they talk to my mom they always thank her for giving them the best gift they could ever receive Rebekah will have a much better and easier life because of what my mom did my mom is now clean and has been for a little over a year she is now feeling the pain that she needs to feel from placing Rebekah up for adoption no matter how great your child has it you will feel that because it still isnt easy but you have to remember that this is how it was meant to be. I praise my mom and you for what you are choosing to do your child will be so happy and have a much better life i’m not saying that with you they would have had a bad life what i’m saying is this happen for a reason and like Rebekah was meant to be with Dane and Barb your child was meant o be with your aunt and uncle. I hope this helped you or made you feel a little better.

All I have to say is thank you, very much. I appreciate this a lot, and I am glad that you experienced a positive situation. You are very nice and sweet for sharing that with me. That is very sad, your mother’s former situation, I mean, and I am sorry, yet I am happy for your family. I am glad it worked out and everything is okay. Thank you again , so much, for sharing that. Seriously. Just, thank you. I won’t forget it.

Ashley,

I would like to start off by introducing myself, I am Sachiko Wong and I am friends with Cathy Aldridge and she is the one who had told me your story. I have been meaning to send you an email but with school and work, I got busy. Well, I just caught up with all your blogs and it seems like you are still having a few doubts about adoption. I, myself was adopted. I was born in Japan and my mother was 20 years old when she found out she was pregnant. She had wanted to have an abortion but it was too expensive and my biological father wasnt present. When I was born, I was placed in an orphanage and from there I was adopted by my parents and have had the best life here in the US. I’m not going to claim that I know how you are feeling about your situation but I could only imagine what a tough decision you have ahead of you. Like the blog posting from the parents of “Carly” from 16 and pregnant said, you have to do what YOU think is best for
your child. Yes, it will probably be the hardest time in your life, but your child will forever be grateful to you for the decision you made. I personally am grateful to my birth mother for giving me up from adoption and allowing me to be put in a family who loves me and has given me opportunities of a life time. And yes, I do think about my birth mom regularly and I can say I love her with all of my heart for not being selfish and giving me the life that she dreamt about me having. You just have to make the decision for yourself, because you are the one who is soley responsible for that child, no one else. Just ginore everyone, its between you and your baby. Dont worry about the babies father, he will come around when he’s ready. I am truely amazed by how mature you are for being so young. Just know there is a plan for you and your child. Good Luck with everything (the birth, graduating HS, SAT’s, college and any other things you
have planned in your near future). Just make sure you are making the decision from your heart and make sure it is the right decision for you and your baby AND NO ONE ELSE. You will be in my prayers.

With love,
Sachiko

I personally responded to you in an email. Thank you, so much.

First of all, I just want to say that you’re amazing.
For deciding to have the baby and for making the decision to have the baby adopted. I definitely believe you are making the right decision here. If ever in doubt, trust in God. God doesn’t make mistakes. You are definitely having this baby for a reason. It may of seemed like an “accident”, but there are none. It takes someone of great strength to be able to think of their child’s needs before their own desires. I admire you for everything you have done in the past few months.
Congratulations Regardless of whether or not you raise the baby, you’re still a mother. A wonderful mother for giving this child the gift of life… and the opportunity to have a good home. And also, for giving two adults something they might not have been able to have before.
Just remember that God will always love you, and that through him all things are possible.
Best of luck with the events in the near future,

Thank you for that.  It’s inspirational and very comforting.  I’m glad to hear something supportive rather than just negativity.  One of the best comments I have ever gotten.

It seems like your doing this for your SAKE, not your babies.. nice!

Well, thank you for your kind words! (:  You are nice, too!!
No really, I just don’t feel the need to defend myself.  You ARE entitled to your own opinion, though.

Hey Ashley! its the nurse from Dr. Ricks office lol my name is Jana but I knew that you would know who I was by just telling you that I work for Dr. Ricks. okay so this is my only way to comminucate with you my computer is acting very funny and wouldnt let me respond on myspace. But anyways..I honestly dont even know where to start. Ive just been skimming through all these little comments that people have wrote you and some are harsh and Im sorry for that. Ive been in your shoes I know exactly what you are going through sweetie I do. people can say what they want but NO ONE can say anything until they have walked in your shoes and you just remember that. harsh things are going to be lashed your way because you are young and of course pregnant but you have to try and over look those people that try and make you feel like your choice is the wrong choice because Ashley to be honest with you giving your baby girl up for adoption could be just about the BEST thing you can do if you really believe in your heart that you cant give this baby what your aunt and uncle could. You see teenagers now that are your age and even younger having kids and not taking care of them and also having kids and killing them or even abortion. Being a mom isnt always easy ESPECIALLY if your young and doing it on your own. I love my son more then anything in the world and wouldnt change my decison for nothing If I could go back to the day I set and cried wondering how I was going to take care of a child at only 17 years old. everyone is different and some people may be able to handle things that other people feel they cant. It doesnt at all make you a bad person and dont ever let anyone tell you different! you just stay strong and remember things happens for a reason and for whatever reason God has made this a chapter in your life you just take it and handle it the best way you know how to. God wouldnt ever give a person such a hard thing to go through unless he knew you were strong enough to handle it. you just keep smileing and moving forward. I hope Ive helped even a little with everything ive sad. if you need ANYTHING no matter what it is im always here. I hardly ever get time to be on the comp. so i will give you my cell num. because TEXTING now thats my cup of tea lol. not so much the comp. thing. email me and ill give it to you talk to you soon girlie.

Thank you, so much! You are so nice.  It really did help! I’m glad you’re my nurse, too, btw! (:

Dear Ashley,

I’m a 37 year old adoptee. I was adopted two days after I was born, and grew up in a loving, solid home. My adoptive parents are my parents. And though I am currently searching for my biological roots, it is not because I’m bitter, or because there is something I am missing. It’s just time.

You’re hearing a lot of negative (though valid) stories right now, but there ARE positive stories of as well. Of course not every adoption is successful, but every also cannot be generalized into “your daughter will grow up to hate you” or “you will regret this for the rest of your life.” While many commenters here are telling you what you’ll feel because they relinquished children, or what your daughter will feel because they are adopted, the truth is that no one (including me) is walking in YOUR shoes. All that matters is that you follow your heart and do what YOU feel is best for you and your baby. It sounds like you have done much soul searching and are doing exactly that.

I wish you and your daughter all the best!

SS

Thank you! That is what I have been trying to say all along.  I’m glad you had a positive experience, and I’m glad that you shared that with me.  Good luck with everything!

i dont think you are learning anything from this. you are giving your baby up but still get to be around it when you want but as soon as it starts crying or something you can give it back to the mother. you really lucked out. i also think it is stupid how people are always saying that you are their hero and that you are so amazing for this. wtf. you made a mistake and got knocked up. i really wouldnt consider YOU a hero or amazing. i dont think it is amazing that you are giving her up either. big whoop, you are going to get to be around it when you want and not take care of her when you dont want to. that is so childish. grow up.

First of all, when she starts crying, I’m not just going to give her back to the “mother.” I’m not going to have her at all.  Seems like you can’t understand that feeling.  Yeah, I made a mistake and got “KNOCKED UP,” but it’s not that easy.  I’m not going to be able to see her as much as I’d like to, or be around her “when I want” like you said.  And even if I wanted to, I won’t.  It will be too hard for a while.  But, I don’t see why I have to prove anything to you anyway.  Maybe if you could come at me with some reasonable evidence or a valid argument, I would listen to you.  Maybe you should read some more until you make comments that don’t even make sense.  Until then, I honestly…don’t care.  I don’t care if I’m not your hero or you don’t think I’m amazing.  Sorry.  Well, actually, no.  I’m not sorry.   You are just one of those negative people that isn’t going to change their mind.  How unfortunate it is that you don’t approve, but your words aren’t going to change my life or affect my decision. (:  I know what I’m doing.

honestly Ashley, and im sure you get this all the time, or not? idk but i think you are sooo brave in everything your doing. Your a strong woman who has had a couple bad breaks but… actually there is no but thats exactly how it is (from what i see) I think its awesome that you will be able to see your baby and i think that she is lucky to be adopted by someone in such close relation! I want you to know that as weird as this sounds, i look up to you. though i dont know you that well i think you handled all of this with class and i respect that. good luck!

Thank you.  That’s very nice of you, and I’m happy to know that you look up to me.  It’s not weird at all.

ok seriously all you negative people should go to hell. i placed my baby for adoption 8 months ago and i know i wouldnt be in college, i wouldnt have a good life, hell i dont even know if i would have a place to live if i would have chosen to keep it. all you people who say adoption is dumb at its not being a “hero” to do it. well you obviously have not been through it and even that birthmom that has done it and regretted it, thats not for you to tell others. its your fault for being weak and not being able to make the right choices for yourself in life. sorry to be all negative but seriously, get the facts straight before you try and talk down on a subject.

Thank you, I agree.  It takes a lot.  Without going through it, I could have never guessed or even have any SLIGHT idea what it was going to feel like.  Even when i “decided” on adoption in the beginning, i still couldn’t fathom everything that it takes.  Thank you.  And you are doing very well in life.  I’m proud of you.

Hey Ashley,
I know it’s hard being a teen mother, but you will get through it. And your choice of putting the child in adoption is a wise one (esp. When its with someone you trust). You should go to college, have a life and you CAN! Its best having the child in capable hands, instead of someone who-altough loves the child endlessly-needs to lead a life she wants. The baby deserves the best-no matter who is going to furfill it. (excue the spelling errors, my backspace button refuses to work )

Thank you, I believe that, too.

Hi Ashley!
Do you know who your baby is going to??

My Aunt & Uncle.

I honestly think all the comments posted about you giving your child up for adoption are opinions. I understand how hard it must be to even get pregnant at a young age, but when you know you aren’t truly mentally or physically capable of taking care of a child yet, that is the decision that is not only best for you, but also your baby girl. I read the stories that people sent as comment, but I believe that everyone has their own reactions, and opinions on adoption. Plus it’s not like you are giving your child up to complete strangers, your aunt and uncle are taking care of her. Which means you can visit your baby girl whenever you choose.? I think you should do what you think is best for your little girl, and if she wants to know, when shes older why you gave her up for adoption, you can explain to her and help her understand what kind of position you were in at the time. You do what is best for your child, then there wont be any real regrets which a lot of people seem to think you will have. (P.s. I referenced you in class so I hope that you are getting some views :])

Thank you, I agree.  And thanks for referencing me.  That’s nice (:

My mom was adopted (forever ago, the 50′s) and the system totally sucked back then. But I know that although she wants to find her birth mother now, not having her family that she grew up with just wouldn’t sit right. I think its really cool that your aunt/uncle are adopting her. Then you know that she is well off and will be taken care of. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are pretty awesome. Its not necessarily giving your daughter up for adoption (though I find that impressive, doing what isn’t necessarily the easiest for you, but most likely the best for her) its more that you have shared this with well, anyone and everyone who comes across it. I find it really admirable. So yeah..I just wanted to let you know that you’re awesome and I don’t think you are making the wrong choice. I know sometimes it can really suck when you have people constantly badgering you about personal decisions. Hope you two are doing okay! What is it, two weeks from now? Good luck with everything, whether it be now or in a few decades. whew this is insainly long. :]

Thanks  so much! Yes, two weeks from now.  very close.

Hi Ashley!
I dont know you but i know one thing and that is that you shouldnt give YOUR child up for adoption. You may think that its a good idea now but later on in life you will totally regret it! and since your adopting her to your Aunt and Uncle, how are you going to feel when you see them kissing and hugging YOUR child? or when she doesnt even know who you are? She’s YOUR child not anyone else’s! i had my little girl 7 months ago and i cant imagine having her not in my life. Dont make this mistake of giving her up, you seem well educated and come from a good background its not like your living on foodstamps and have nothing! your education shouldnt get in the way of YOU raising your own baby! YOU made the choice to keep her so it should be YOU being the mother to her! YOU and YOUR baby have bonded over this 9month period, why throw that all away? its not worth it! babys are a gift from god for there mothers to love! DONT GIVE HER UP!!!!!

Definitely not in the mood right now. sorry you feel that way.

Ashley,
I was just wondering, what actually made you decided adoption is best for your little girl. I’m not trying to be judgemental, but wont you miss her?

Yeah, I will.  But, there are many reasons.

do u regret giving her away? if u could would u take her back? there are leagal ways to do that.

are there really? how?

Are you still giving her up?

Are you still giving her up since you have had her? Is it a lot harder than you thought it would be giving her up after you saw and held her? How was labor?

Just read.  And labor was surprisingly very easy with the drugs.

Hey Ashley,
I’ve posted here before, I want to let you know I think your amazing. Well Done! You have learnt from your mistakes and have stood by your choice 100%.
I’m posting this as a young women who can’t have children. Do the best you can for this baby. If that means adoption, go for it. I am currently going though the processes of being an adopting mother, and I believe that adoption is an act of love. Children are only put up for adoption because the mother cares about them SO much, they feel they can’t give them everything they feel the child needs. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! Dont let anyone put you down. You are certainly one of the most smart and truthful teen mothers I’ve ever met.

Thanks.  I wish it felt that way.